The Big Feelings Cheat Sheet

In the moment: 7 things to say

• "You're so mad right now. I get it." Name it before you fix it — feeling seen lowers the volume.
• "I'm right here. You're safe." Your calm is the anchor; you don't have to solve anything yet.
• "You can be upset. I won't let you hit." All feelings okay, not all actions — hold the boundary, kindly.
• "Do you need a squeeze or some space?" Gives back a little control, which is usually what they lost.
• "Let's breathe like we're blowing out birthday candles." Big slow out-breaths reset a flooded little nervous system.
• "You really wanted that. It's hard to stop." Validate the want, keep the limit — both can be true.
• "When your body's ready, I've got a hug." No rush, no lecture. Reconnection comes before correction.

The 3-step reset

1. Connect. Get down low, soften your face, slow everything down. Co-regulate first — a calm grown-up is the whole strategy.
2. Coach. Once the storm passes, name what happened in one sentence: "You were mad the show ended." That's it. No paragraph.
3. Redirect. Offer the next thing — a job, a snack, fresh air. Movement + a small win closes the loop.